That's what my boss said to a coworker yesterday. Go home and be joyful. I've been thinking about these words ever since
My coworker has had a rough year. She had a cancerous tumor removed about nine months ago and a full round of chemotherapy followed. Her body healed, her cancer is gone, but her mind and spirit can't seem to get back on track. She's lost in this negative place and doesn't appear to want to leave it.
I'm baffled by this, so are many others who know her. She's incredibly lucky in many ways. She had the best doctors possible for her kind of cancer and was able to have her surgery at a premier facility in a major city and she had the health insurance to cover every last dollar. Dozens of coworkers, some who have never even met her, donated vacation time, from their own benefit banked accumulation, so she could be paid all during her medical leave. Money was collected to help her with the extra expenses she might incur. She had so many family members and friends who took care of her pets, cleaned her house, cooked her meals, drove her to appointments and sat with her while she slept. She had dozens and dozens of people praying for her and giving her the positive thoughts she needed. All of this and she will still tell you her life is ruined and she can't stand it anymore.
She seems to have given up on herself. She's not following her Dr's advice to strengthen her resistance and body by eating better and making sure she gets proper nutrition. She's late for work most days, saying she can't get started in the morning. She's miserable, snappish and short tempered. She's frustrated with her job and openly derisive of the work involved. She's in a bad place. We don't know what to do for her.
Yesterday she had an appointment with her oncologist. She was urged to do so due to her inability to bounce back and resume her life and routine again. She was convinced that the cancer was back and had already made up her mind that she would refuse treatment. She was defeated before she even got to the appointment and had given up completely.
When she left work for her appointment a few of us talked privately about the situation. We're worried about her mental state. We think she needs to see a therapist. I can't understand not wanting to fight for myself, not wanting to get as far away from negative thought as I can. When given the gift of another chance....why spit in it's face and not try to do whatever it takes to be better?
So when she called in, to tell us how it went, my boss told her to go home and be joyful. My boss told her that she got the best news she possibly could, she told her that there is no reason to remain caught up in the negative because she got a clean bill of heath. She told her to go home, pour a glass of wine and be happy about all that is right for her. Feel happy for the things she has to be happy about.
God I hope she does. I hope she sees that she was given a second chance. I hope she does something to make it count. I hope she sees that her life can be good. I hope she finds she can live without being afraid. I hope she gets strong mentally and I hope she will let us all help her to get there.
Indeed.
1 comments:
Knowing several survivors of cancer (my mum and a couple of personal friends) I know how important a positive mindset is.
I also know chronic depressives ( I sometimes fear I live on the edge of that myself).
I believe that some people always see the worst in life. To have survived one round of cancer is great, and everything that follows is a bonus, life is to be lived to the full. However, there is always that dread fear, did they get it all, am I just susceptible.
My mums surgery was a great success, but a little too late, the found cancer in a lymph node. The chemo caused more problems. They have decided that she is in a low risk catergory for re0infection, but she personally had decided that she is cancer free, and will carry on and live life to the full. Another person may have as easily decided that since there was a risk they would relapse, like your co-worker they would sink into a irretrievable depression.
It's hard watching a depression from outside. I've done that too. There comes a time though when you have to protect yourself, and not get caught up in their troubles. That threshold is different for each relationship, you'll know where the limit is.
Sounds like everyone is doing the proper thing. Maybe everyone worrying about her has a negative effect? Sapping her confidence rather than giving the intended "being there" support you want to give. There are a lot of people supporting her. Maybe so much attention makes her think you all fear for her too, and so she is justified in fearing.
Still, "go home and be joyful" is good advice.
I hope things turn out for the best.
Post a Comment