Influence

I had a conversation with a friend this morning and the talk turned to the subject of influence. My friend had related a story about another person, one who manages to make her examine things in her life, difficult ones. One who is a good influence, one that helps her grow as a person. I thought about this long after our conversation ended. I spent some time thinking about influences and who has influence over me.

Did you ever wonder why a person has influence with you, how it is that they can turn you around, make you think, make you examine something, make you open up? What is it about a person who can make you listen to them, yield to their way of thinking, make you change your thought process?

I am not easily influenced. I know my own mind, I'm firm in my convictions. I never quibble or flounder about once I make a statement, commit to a decision. This comes from neither arrogance nor stubbornness nor narrowness of mind. It is simply my way, it's how I am. I am very self aware, I spend a lot of time in self examination. I don't necessarily need another person to help me in that department. Or so I think.

Precious few individuals can make me change my mind, make me turn in another direction, make me take a different tack. I will always listen to another individuals point of view, listen to what they are saying. I love to listen and learn how people think, learn how their mind works. I will always ask you of your opinion on something but it is a rare occurrence for me to change mine because of something you have said.

So I thought about influence today. I thought about who actually does influence me, who can turn me around, change my direction. I thought about why it is they influence me. Why they have that ability, why I allow it?

One friend is tough with me, says it just like it is. They do not hold back, mince words, beat around the bush. I will be told I'm wrong (can you imagine?), I will be told I need to change my perspective, I will be told I don't know everything. I will be made to face something I don't want to, admit what I am avoiding, deal with what I wish to ignore. I will argue with this friend, but I will listen. I listen to this other point of view, look at what it is this friend wants me to see. I will listen.

Another friend has a completely different sort of approach. This friend is soft and careful with me. Approaches me slowly and with great care. This friend can get me to do things I would never before consider because they have the patience to wait and let me stand very still while I work it through in my mind. There is no pressure, no pushing, no pulling. They simply offer the suggestion, and offer it again, and again and wait for me to get there. I get there eventually. They know how to handle me, they know that I need to get my mind around something before I will give over to it. I will give over to it.

Two completely different approaches yet both yielding a similar result.

I ask myself why these individuals have that influence with me while others do not. That's an easy question to answer. They have earned my trust. I have put my faith in them. I have a great deal of respect for them. I know they have my best interests at heart, they are not going to hurt me, of this I am sure. I care for them deeply, I care for them dearly. I care for them.

Indeed.

Can you be influenced?

More Love...

Last week I was thinking about old loves and this week I am still thinking of love....but a very different sort of love. One that I find can't live without.

The love of a girlfriend.

I have lots of girlfriends, I always have. I am social, talkative, outgoing and friendly. I like my life to be filled with people. I love meeting people, getting to know them, listening to what they have to say. Every now and then one strikes a chord with me and a different sort of closeness develops. A closeness I treasure, a closeness I need.

It is this closeness I am thinking of today and wanting to write a different sort of "love letter"... one to the girls in my life. The girls I treasure.

Each of these women have impacted me in a different way, each relationship different from the other. Some are advisors, some I advise. Some treat me to the most exquisite laughter one can imagine and others I provide laughter to. Some cry on my shoulder, some unburden themselves to me and some simply make me crazy. I still love them nonetheless.

I love them all.

This past summer I found myself critically ill and in an ICU bed. I was frightened like I have never been before mostly because my life had never been threatened until this time. My friend Sara lied her way into the unit and once at my bedside laid her head on my chest and simply said "I am here". That's all I needed and I finally cried the tears I had been hiding from my family for two days....unable to release them but to this most precious friend. I love her.

I have another friend, a dear one, one who drives me crazy. She is the only person on earth who has gotten away with grabbing me and forcing me to look in a mirror and lived to tell the tale. She is tough with me, hard on me. She doesn't pull any punches. She calls me out. She yells at me. It's quite possible that she is not afraid of me. I love her for it.

I have other friends who come looking for me when I am quiet, wondering where I am and what I am doing. I love them. I have other friends who support me, take time to tell me they enjoyed something I wrote, something I said. I love them. I have a friend who showed great courage in approaching me in an attempt to tell me something she thought I should know, something delicate. It didn't matter that I had long known what she wanted to say, her courage struck me. I love her for it. I have a friend who has trusted me with something so private, so sacred that I guard her words like none other I have been given. I love her for this.

I have shared parts of my life with these women and they with me. I am the better for knowing every last one of them. They have filled me with all that I need to walk around each day...kindness, compassion and some wicked laughter.

Each one knows who they are...

Each one knows I love them...