Still Have't Found It

Tonight I was delighted when a friend reminded me to tune into HBO's 25th Anniversary Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Concert. In all of the comings and goings this holiday weekend I had forgotten about the show. I tuned in midstream but didn't think about what I missed so much as what I saw. Oh what I saw.

I love music, all kinds of music, but most of what was featured prominently in this performance was the very powerful and especially influential music I grew up on. There was a lot of old school, social conscious, envelope pushing, anti-establishment artistic beauty that I so love to listen to....even today.

Of course the artists have aged, significantly, from their most glory days. Patti Smith in black leather hot pants was a rather interesting sight truth be told. Ozzy Osborne's F-bombs seemed so uneventful and deadpan due to the over exposure to such things these days. Mick Jagger's swagger and strut was less sexual than it once was and it took me a while to realize that Lou Reed was, in fact, Lou Reed.

The themes have evolved significantly as well. John Fogarty's Fortunate Son had a very different meaning on it's first run. Instead of the Fortunate Son evading service in Vietnam, that Fortunate Son got us right into the thick of things the last eight years. Of course Everyday People would have been spot on appropriate considering, but alas Sly and the Family Stone were not in the house. It seems the rock and roll establishment doesn't really want to speak on that one too much.

For me, however, the moment that I enjoyed most was Bruce Springsteen joining Bono for a duet of sorts on I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For. Now Bono makes my knees weak to begin with....always has. Let's face it, an Irish Rock and Roller singing about love, using heavy religious metaphors, makes me practically swoon. Rebellious, yet faithful. The belief in love but doubtful of it's existence...simply exquisite for the Catholic in me to behold. Add Bruce Springsteen's throaty rasp singing the lyric and I was transported someplace I haven't been in quite a while.

The entire exercise reminded me of why I like music so much, why it's always playing in my background. Songwriting is musical poetry, words crafted to express the heart of the poet and meant to make us explore our own heart as well. Words that pushed and pulled at my heart over the years. Words that made me look deep and look hard...at myself mostly. Words that reached in and pulled out feeling and emotion that would have laid silent if not for their existence. Words that remind me of my life, my past and my future. Words that after all these years I still listen to.

After all, as Bono says, I Still Haven't Found What I Am Looking For.
Indeed

Searching For The Draw

One of my favorite films is a little known work called, Searching For Bobby Fischer. It's the true story of child chess prodigy, Josh Waitzkin and his parent's journey to find balance in accepting his phenomenal gift while allowing him to experience a normal childhood.

I have seen the film several times. There is one exchange in particular that I always enjoy watching it's unfolding.

"Josh", in a championship chess match against another budding chess master, realizes that he's out-maneuvered the boy and extends his hand. He simply and quietly whispers, "Draw". His opponent is perplexed at first and then irritated. He came to win the tournament, not settle for a draw. That is what he's been taught.

The boy says, "Draw? You've got to be kidding." and Josh replies, " You've lost. You just don't know it." The boy is exasperated now and he says, " I've lost? Look at the board." Quietly Josh says, " I have. Take the draw, and we'll share the championship....Take the draw." He says it because that is what he's been taught.

Later, in a tender moment with his Dad, Josh tells him softly, "I tried to give him a way out". Josh's Dad hugs him close and says, "I know you did".

Beautiful exchange. Josh's parents want him to realize his potential but at the same time want him to embrace humility. They want him to understand his gift but not have it define him. He is so much more than his gift.

This wonderful exchange reminds me of the importance of offering a draw sometimes...even when we have clearly won. I like to think that I can offer that draw, that I can reach beyond my need to be right and not have to knock back a person in order to feel strong. I like to think that I am strong enough to not win sometimes.

Giving another person room to step back and regroup can make all of the difference in the world in a relationship. Giving them room to step back and come to terms with their position, having the grace to be still and quiet and let them arrive at a place that they are able to retain their pride, retain their dignity, is a position of incredible strength and compassion. For it is in this moment, in this time, that two people can face each other and one can acknowledge that it isn't about which one of them that wins, which one is right. It is in this moment between these two people that one of them understands that it's simply about offering a draw. One of them is strong enough, loves the other enough, to offer a draw.

One of them might just be strong enough.

You just don't know it yet.

Indeed.

I Never Needed It More...

I had another birthday this week. My birthday is the one day I truly sit back and revel in my good fortune. The one day I count my blessings....every single one of them. Unabashed and unashamed I let the good wishes and love my family and friends offer drench me from head to toe. It feels so good, I need it so much.

I have always felt rich in family and friends but it was ever so evident this week. I appreciated every card, note and gift I received. I cherished every gesture no matter how great or how small. They told me something. Told me that I am cared for, appreciated, loved.

These last months have been challenging for me. So many things have been out of balance and often I have felt out of sync. So it is these gestures that lift me and sustain me. They remind me that I do not walk this path of mine alone. It's not often that I flounder as I have been. It's unusual for me to show a proverbial hair out of place. So I am ever more appreciative for having those who take time for me, take time to make sure I know they care. Take time to celebrate a day that is special for me.

I never needed it more....
Indeed