One of my favorite films is a little known work called, Searching For Bobby Fischer. It's the true story of child chess prodigy, Josh Waitzkin and his parent's journey to find balance in accepting his phenomenal gift while allowing him to experience a normal childhood.
I have seen the film several times. There is one exchange in particular that I always enjoy watching it's unfolding.
"Josh", in a championship chess match against another budding chess master, realizes that he's out-maneuvered the boy and extends his hand. He simply and quietly whispers, "Draw". His opponent is perplexed at first and then irritated. He came to win the tournament, not settle for a draw. That is what he's been taught.
The boy says, "Draw? You've got to be kidding." and Josh replies, " You've lost. You just don't know it." The boy is exasperated now and he says, " I've lost? Look at the board." Quietly Josh says, " I have. Take the draw, and we'll share the championship....Take the draw." He says it because that is what he's been taught.
I have seen the film several times. There is one exchange in particular that I always enjoy watching it's unfolding.
"Josh", in a championship chess match against another budding chess master, realizes that he's out-maneuvered the boy and extends his hand. He simply and quietly whispers, "Draw". His opponent is perplexed at first and then irritated. He came to win the tournament, not settle for a draw. That is what he's been taught.
The boy says, "Draw? You've got to be kidding." and Josh replies, " You've lost. You just don't know it." The boy is exasperated now and he says, " I've lost? Look at the board." Quietly Josh says, " I have. Take the draw, and we'll share the championship....Take the draw." He says it because that is what he's been taught.
Later, in a tender moment with his Dad, Josh tells him softly, "I tried to give him a way out". Josh's Dad hugs him close and says, "I know you did".
Beautiful exchange. Josh's parents want him to realize his potential but at the same time want him to embrace humility. They want him to understand his gift but not have it define him. He is so much more than his gift.
This wonderful exchange reminds me of the importance of offering a draw sometimes...even when we have clearly won. I like to think that I can offer that draw, that I can reach beyond my need to be right and not have to knock back a person in order to feel strong. I like to think that I am strong enough to not win sometimes.
Giving another person room to step back and regroup can make all of the difference in the world in a relationship. Giving them room to step back and come to terms with their position, having the grace to be still and quiet and let them arrive at a place that they are able to retain their pride, retain their dignity, is a position of incredible strength and compassion. For it is in this moment, in this time, that two people can face each other and one can acknowledge that it isn't about which one of them that wins, which one is right. It is in this moment between these two people that one of them understands that it's simply about offering a draw. One of them is strong enough, loves the other enough, to offer a draw.
One of them might just be strong enough.
You just don't know it yet.
Indeed.
No comments:
Post a Comment