The View From Halfway

I had a conversation recently, at a luncheon with friends, about reaching that place in life where you realize that you have gained a certain amount of wisdom. I'd say I am well past the half-way point in my life as I don't expect to live beyond 100 years. In the 50 odd years I have been on this earth, I have learned a thing or two about life. While my kids often roll their eyes when I wax philosophical (I let them think I don't see them), I know a few things.

As I started to tick off some of the things I learned, my friends said, "you should write these down!"....

So I did....


People can still surprise you.

Old dogs can learn new tricks and the tricks are far more interesting at this point.

Forever means different things to different people.

Don’t worry about the skinny little thing on the elliptical next to you at the gym. You were once her, she will one day be you. It’s a sort of symmetry.

Start being yourself. Don’t you think it’s time?

Don’t look back at memories. Be the memory for someone by what you do now.

Fall in love if you get a chance…. it’s so much better when you are older. Without the drama and the hair trigger from the teenage years, it could be a lot of fun.

Say what you think at all times. Miss Congeniality is over-rated. Not to mention the fact that she didn’t win the contest now did she?

Save yourself. The white night is not coming for you, his armor is rusty by now, his trusted steed has long been shipped off to the glue factory.

If you don’t have a good, close friend to share life’s ups and downs…you yourself aren’t a good friend.

Don’t be the reason someone leaves you. Be the reason they were a complete idiot for not staying.

You can have adventures without ever leaving the house.

Be selfish now. The other way hasn't worked so far has it?

The Desiderata makes perfect sense at this age. Hang it back up…. today.

“I am too old” is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Stop asking why. No one is going to answer you.

Don’t take a leap of faith unless you are sure you can survive the fall.

Have a care with what you give. Be generous with those who deserve you, and stingy with those who don’t.

Bucket list shmuket list. What on earth are you waiting for?

Be Careful What You Wish For....

When I was a little girl, and being particularly pouty or sour, my mother would take issue with some of the facial expressions I would adopt. As a way to break this habit she would say, "if you make that face for too long...it will freeze that way." Certainly not a page taken from Dr Spock, it worked just the same. Once I imagined myself sitting at my desk in class, walking down the block, going to Mass looking as if I'd sucked a lemon for an hour, I lightened up on the scowling.

My mother's methods, while unorthodox, got the job done. She had all sorts of expressions, half-proverb, half-threat, to keep me in line. Pride goeth before a fall was regularly recited. Do unto others....Take the high road....Look before you leap were some others. I heard them every day. I can still hear them now...in my head.

The one that stayed with me the most was ...Be careful what you wish for. It's negativity is what strikes me. As if the things I might wish for would be a disappointment. As if I didn't understand what things I wished for. As if having what I wished for would not be in my best interests. My mother did not mean for the message to limit me, lower my expectations. What she meant was for me to think through the things I wanted out of life. To make sure that I understood what getting some wishes would mean for me.

Still, over the years, I have found that notion to creep into my mind, usually after something went awry. After something I wanted was realized. A promotion that cost more in family time than I had imagined. A friend I needed distance from who left me completely. Wishing to be closer to another friend only to discover that the closeness choked me. Wishing to be left alone only to find what loneliness really is. Sometimes I wondered if the Cosmos were trying to tell me something. The same thing my mother tried to tell me in her own way.

The thing is....life is full of serendipity. Unexpected and accidental delights that balance what goes awry. Things that I never imagined would come to me have done so and in the most unexpected ways. Good things, things I want, things I need. Things that far exceeded anything I could have wished for.

So I keep on wishing, keep on reaching for stars. Mortal soul that I am, I keep my wishes rooted in simplicity. I know exactly what it is that I want. I am fully aware of what I might get as well. For it is in my wishing that I put a voice to my heart's desires. A voice that is deliberate, clear and full of well deserved expectation.

I am careful what I wish for.
Because I know exactly what I might get.
Thank Heaven for that.
Indeed.

Somebody To Love

Somebody to Love is a wonderfully complicated song, written in 1975 by Freddy Mercury, and recorded by Queen. It's one of my favorite songs from the band. The lyric covers a great question many ask...and it asks it of God. Perfect for Valentine's Day I think..

Valentine's Day forces the issue of love, forces us to look at love in our lives and sometimes does so with a sort of uncomfortable pressure to root out and point at what may be missing.

Over the years I have had some Valentine's Days that were picture perfect, some that were sad truths. Others were unremarkable and some remarkable in their existence. They are what they are. When I was much younger I recall feeling inadequate should a Valentine's Day arrive with me not having a boyfriend to fuss over me. I can also recall feeling terribly conflicted for having been the object of affection for someone I had no feeling for at all.

I recall years that despite being married and having a "built in sweetheart", I wanted to skip the day altogether and not have to acknowledge the fact that other women would be having a much better day than I. I have also spent many February 14ths, drifting off to sleep, thankful for my husband and what we have in life.

On all of these occasions, all throughout my life, I have had one constant ....a wonderful capacity for love and a desire to express mine. Unabashed, unapologetic and unwavering. Nothing stops it, nothing prevents it, nothing gets in it's way. I will love regardless.

It doesn't matter in the least if I am showered with affection, nor does it matter if the day passes without an ounce of it directed toward me. That is not to say I don't want reciprocation, that is not to say I don't need it because I do need it. I need it more than I can sometimes express. What does matter, however, is that I can give and will give my own affection and love, sincerely and truthfully, independent of what may be expressed to me. I consider this a remarkable blessing.

I have never, in my life, not had somebody to love. For that I am most thankful.
Most thankful Indeed.

Happy Valentine's Day.