The Captain of My Soul

My youngest son is a really great kid, he loves to be social, he's incredibly funny and has lots of friends. He's fairly popular at school and is the starting center on his high school's football team this year. He's on top of the world, happy and fully immersed in his life.

Football has been part of his life for the last eight years. All he wanted was to be a good athlete and play on the high school team. On the line. Each year he got bigger and stronger and seemed headed in the right direction . Each team he played on he found himself starting both ways and was always highly praised by his coaches. That is until last year when he lost his starting position. His coaches thought him to be undersized and told him he didn't grow as they expected. He wasn't aggressive enough and relegated him to the bench to see a few minutes at the end of the game if they had a big lead going and he was lucky.


It was hard on him, his self esteem took a hit. It was hard watching his friends play out on the field while he stood and watched all year. It was hard hanging out with them after the games when they all talked about how they played while he had just watched from the sideline.

He didn't start varsity but he wasn't to be deterred, he chose to drop down and play on the JV team. While he took a hit to his self esteem, he still wanted to play. Instead of Friday nights under the lights with a big crowd, he played on Mondays in front of mostly parents and with a different set of friends, younger ones. He missed the Monday pizza and film sessions provided by the booster club because he wanted to play more than he wanted to watch the varsity films and eat pizza with them on Mondays.

He worked hard all during the off season, dedicated to hard work and committed to giving his best. He lifted hard, he ran, he worked. His effort earned him a starting position at center at team camp this summer as well as some time on defense now. I started to hear good things from his coaches. I started to hear even better things from some parents. I discovered a few things I didn't know about him as well.

Apparently one of the freshman players, a younger brother of one of varsity players, a boy still chubby and not yet in his athletic stride, gets razzed about his weight by the older kids. His mom stopped me to tell me that when school started my son invited him to sit with him at lunch ... at the senior table. She said he's the only one who doesn't tease or poke fun at this boy's size and that he talks to him about school and what he's interested in.

I noticed his spare pair of cleats were missing. I asked about them, I wanted to know where they were. He said they were in his locker. He got them for team camp but his Dad then bought him a second pair for games as a treat because he had a good couple of weeks at his side business. Turns out the spare cleats aren't in his locker. He gave them to a teammate who needed a pair and couldn't afford them.

And yesterday afternoon, watching the recording of their season opener which was televised, I saw something I didn't see during Friday night's game. After several penalties on the offense the film shows my son, pulling aside a boy who was struggling with jitters, talking to him, walking back to the line with his hand on the boys back, appearing to reassure him before then taking his own position to get ready for the snap.


I'm so proud of him. My son isn't the best player on the team. He won't be getting any letters from recruiters to play next season because nature didn't bless him with the size he needs to play at the next level. Football ends for him this year and he knows it. He plays at a position that most don't pay any attention to at all. There's no glory in it. His name won't be mentioned in game highlights. But he's managed to distinguish himself nonetheless. When the team came together at the last practice before the season to vote for it's captains my youngest received the most votes out of any player on the team. He has indeed distinguished himself.

A few years ago my youngest and I saw the film, Invictus, directed by Clint Eastwood and starring Morgan Freeman and Matt Damon. It's a story of struggle and unity and William Ernest Henry's poem, Invictus, figures prominently in the film. Watching the film gave my son and I a chance to talk about a great many things, including the meaning behind Henry's work as it related to the film. We also talked about how one can endure so much and remain undefeated, remain committed to themselves and what they hope to accomplish as an individual. I recall emailing him the poem to read. I thought he might see the meaning in it for him. I thought he might find the words to be inspiring if he faced a difficult situation down the road.


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.


In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

I found that email tacked up inside his closet when I was looking for those spare cleats.
The captain of my soul.
Indeed.