The time between Christmas and New Years is always a time of reflection for me. It's a period of time when l turn especially introspective. I like to look over what I've done and where I've been. For me, the final accounting is before me. Time to add things up.
This year my thoughts were centered on changes, changes in my life. Changes that I made by myself, changes I made with help and those more challenging changes that came about in and of themselves. It's one thing when we set out to accomplish something, with intent and purpose and quite another when the change is dropped in our lap, unceremoniously and unexpectedly. A change we have no control over.
So it is that change I am thinking of now, that unexpected, unwanted and unavoidable part of life we cannot help but wonder about. Wonder if a different course of action would have made a difference, would have produced a different outcome. I think about what responses of mine were good ones, the right ones. I think about the accidental responses, the ones I didn't give any thought to, the ones if I had thought about what would they have produced. Where would I be then, where would I be going now?
It doesn't matter, really. The exercise in "what if" is an exercise in futility. It's a game to play, one that doesn't matter in the least. It's interesting to ponder but for all of my wondering what is...is.
What matters is what I've done and where I am right now. What matters, in my final accounting, is how do I feel about this year's journey, how do I feel about the changes I made? My responses to changes that were made for me? Am I satisfied with myself? Am I willing to move on from what has disappointed me, move forward with what has delighted me? Am I able to add it all up, look at it clearly and objectively and be happy with the end result?
You better believe it.
Indeed.
This year my thoughts were centered on changes, changes in my life. Changes that I made by myself, changes I made with help and those more challenging changes that came about in and of themselves. It's one thing when we set out to accomplish something, with intent and purpose and quite another when the change is dropped in our lap, unceremoniously and unexpectedly. A change we have no control over.
So it is that change I am thinking of now, that unexpected, unwanted and unavoidable part of life we cannot help but wonder about. Wonder if a different course of action would have made a difference, would have produced a different outcome. I think about what responses of mine were good ones, the right ones. I think about the accidental responses, the ones I didn't give any thought to, the ones if I had thought about what would they have produced. Where would I be then, where would I be going now?
It doesn't matter, really. The exercise in "what if" is an exercise in futility. It's a game to play, one that doesn't matter in the least. It's interesting to ponder but for all of my wondering what is...is.
What matters is what I've done and where I am right now. What matters, in my final accounting, is how do I feel about this year's journey, how do I feel about the changes I made? My responses to changes that were made for me? Am I satisfied with myself? Am I willing to move on from what has disappointed me, move forward with what has delighted me? Am I able to add it all up, look at it clearly and objectively and be happy with the end result?
You better believe it.
Indeed.
1 comment:
The first time was coming back from vacation and got drunk with my new hubby. 2nd time was on vacation with hubby in Vegas....we shall not talk about that!
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