Compliments
Compliments are nice to receive. We always feel special when someone compliments us. It's an acknowledgement, a validation, a stamp of approval of sorts. We feel good when we get one, we feel a boost, walk a little taller. A compliment can break a mood, turn us around, change our outlook briefly.
We all accept these compliments in various ways. Some of us accept them with graciousness and pleasure. Some with suspicion, with an eye on lurking ulterior motives. Some with disbelief, almost a feeling of unworthiness. Some with surprise and delight and some simply take them at their face value. I am delighted by the compliments I receive, usually gracious in my acceptance but as I have grown older and wiser I tend to consider the source of that compliment. I have discovered, again quite recently, that some compliments are given solely as a way to ingratiate, to make the giver look good. A false compliment I would think.
I have never been stingy with compliments myself. If I like something I say it, if I think a person has done something special... I say so. Giving a compliment is a gesture of generosity, a kindness, and sometimes a person desperately needs that boost a compliment can give. I know I often do. I can think of days that nothing seemed to go right and out of nowhere someone will say, "I am glad I ran into you, you always make me smile." Immediately I will feel good, perk up, walk a little taller. My own compliments are sincere and heartfelt. I mean it when I tell you what I like about you, what I think is special about you. I mean for you to feel good, know that I think you are special.
I have been often complimented in my life... about everything from my appearance to my sense of humor. Hearing that I look pretty, have on a nice dress, smell good... is nice and I am not above wanting to feel attractive, feel a bit of superficial stroking. But these things aren't really what I am about, what I want to be thought of as, how I want to be perceived. I graciously accept such compliments but I don't dwell on them. They don't turn my head so much as one might imagine.
I do receive many compliments on my words. People will tell me they admire something I've written, something I've said. My favorite compliment is one I hear often, I love how you think. I never tire of that one, nor it's giver. I am touched deeply when I am told my words affected someone else, that a person had a reaction to what I've written or said. It's more personal to me, more intimate. So it is in this area, a very personal one for me, that I am wary of a false compliment. It is in this area that I am stung most by an insincere platitude.
I have found a surefire way to avoid that sting or at least detect the falseness of it. I look to the behavior of the giver, how they act toward me, how they follow up that compliment. It's very easy to tell someone what you think, feel. It's quite another to show them. Actions speak louder than words......
I think it bears repeating......actions speak louder than words.
Indeed
Compliments are nice to receive. We always feel special when someone compliments us. It's an acknowledgement, a validation, a stamp of approval of sorts. We feel good when we get one, we feel a boost, walk a little taller. A compliment can break a mood, turn us around, change our outlook briefly.
We all accept these compliments in various ways. Some of us accept them with graciousness and pleasure. Some with suspicion, with an eye on lurking ulterior motives. Some with disbelief, almost a feeling of unworthiness. Some with surprise and delight and some simply take them at their face value. I am delighted by the compliments I receive, usually gracious in my acceptance but as I have grown older and wiser I tend to consider the source of that compliment. I have discovered, again quite recently, that some compliments are given solely as a way to ingratiate, to make the giver look good. A false compliment I would think.
I have never been stingy with compliments myself. If I like something I say it, if I think a person has done something special... I say so. Giving a compliment is a gesture of generosity, a kindness, and sometimes a person desperately needs that boost a compliment can give. I know I often do. I can think of days that nothing seemed to go right and out of nowhere someone will say, "I am glad I ran into you, you always make me smile." Immediately I will feel good, perk up, walk a little taller. My own compliments are sincere and heartfelt. I mean it when I tell you what I like about you, what I think is special about you. I mean for you to feel good, know that I think you are special.
I have been often complimented in my life... about everything from my appearance to my sense of humor. Hearing that I look pretty, have on a nice dress, smell good... is nice and I am not above wanting to feel attractive, feel a bit of superficial stroking. But these things aren't really what I am about, what I want to be thought of as, how I want to be perceived. I graciously accept such compliments but I don't dwell on them. They don't turn my head so much as one might imagine.
I do receive many compliments on my words. People will tell me they admire something I've written, something I've said. My favorite compliment is one I hear often, I love how you think. I never tire of that one, nor it's giver. I am touched deeply when I am told my words affected someone else, that a person had a reaction to what I've written or said. It's more personal to me, more intimate. So it is in this area, a very personal one for me, that I am wary of a false compliment. It is in this area that I am stung most by an insincere platitude.
I have found a surefire way to avoid that sting or at least detect the falseness of it. I look to the behavior of the giver, how they act toward me, how they follow up that compliment. It's very easy to tell someone what you think, feel. It's quite another to show them. Actions speak louder than words......
I think it bears repeating......actions speak louder than words.
Indeed
1 comment:
Sorry, I find it hard to give compliments, and hard to trust the ones I receive.
It doesn't help being a perfectionist in some respects, I can always see where I could have done better, and therefore reject praise of "flawed" output.
I also have a "shyness" which stops me saying to a passer by "you look complient".
Otherwise compliments are lovely.
Post a Comment